You have tested my heart…

“You have tested my heart; You have visited [me] in the night; You have tried me and have found nothing; I have purposed that my mouth shall not transgress.” Psalm 17:3 NKJV

I came across this video while researching “Spiritual Heart Disease”; a subject YHVH has been speaking to me about for several months. I do not personally know this man, but what he is teaching resonated with my spirit. The video was posted two years ago but is a NOW word for today.


I’m also including a video of his testimony:



Proverbs 3:5-8 NASB

Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.

  • Trust in the LORD with all your heart
    • Not some, not part, but ALL!
  • Do not lean on our own understanding
    • YHVH sees the whole picture…we do not! We can’t place our own right to understand above His right to direct our lives the way He sees fit.
      •  Isaiah 55:8-9 NASB “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.
  • In all your ways acknowledge Him
    • Acknowledge: to recognize the rights, authority, or status of
    • We MUST acknowledge that YHVH is the Creator and knows what is best for His creation. He gave us a manual to follow called the Word of YHVH.
  • And He will make your paths straight (direct your path)
    •  When we read His Word we acknowledge His supreme authority by following what it says.
      • Psalm 119:105 NASB “Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.”
  • Do not be wise in your own eyes
    • Being wise in our own eyes is relies on self rather than YHVH.
      • Proverbs 1:5 NASB A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel,
      • Proverbs 9:9 NASB Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser, Teach a righteous man and he will increase his learning.
      • Proverbs 12:15 NASB  The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.
      • Proverbs 26:12 NASB Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
      • Romans 12:16 NASB] Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.
  • Fear the LORD and turn away from evil
    • Psalm 111:10 NASB The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments; His praise endures forever.
    • Proverbs 1:7 NASB The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.
    • Pro 9:10 NASB The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
    • Proverbs 15:33 NASB The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, And before honor comes humility.
  • It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones
    • Proverbs 4:20-22 NASB My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your sight; Keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them And health to all their body.
    • Proverbs 16:24 NASB Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Trusting is NOT easy, but it is required if we acknowledge YHVH as our Father & Master. What areas of your life do you need to learn to trust HIM with?






Enemy: A person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.


 “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;  Or the LORD will see it and be displeased, And turn His anger away from him.” Proverbs 24:17-18 NASB

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’  “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Matthew 5:43-45 NASB

 “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” Luke 6:27-28 NASB

 “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; For you will heap burning coals on his head, And the LORD will reward you.” Proverbs 25:21-22 NASB

“BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:20-21 NASB

 “Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.” Galatians 6:1 NASB




As I began my devotional time this morning I was led to read Psalm 119. I didn’t get very far before YHVH highlighted a word:

“How happy are those who observe his instruction, who seek him wholeheartedly!” Psalm 119:2 CJB

Blessed [are] they that keep his testimonies, [and that] seek him with the whole heart.” Psalm 119:2 KJV

What does it mean to “seek him wholeheartedly” or “with the whole heart”?

As I was contemplating this I was reminded of Caleb. His name first appears in Numbers 13:6 which is the Torah portion Shlach L’kah (Numbers 13:1-15:41). Chapter 13 and 14 address the story of the 12 tribal leaders who were chosen to “spy” out the land of Canaan…a land that YHVH said he was giving the people of Israel (Nu 13:2).

Twelve leaders of Israel were in the land 40 days (vs 25) and returned with a cluster of grapes so large it had to be carried on a pole between two men (vs 23)! They also brought pomegranates and figs which they showed to the entire community. Caleb (Kalev) tried to encourage the people that they could take possession of the land and believed they could conquer it (vs 30). But ten of the leaders brought a negative report that discouraged the people and caused them to grumble against Moses & Aaron (vs 31 – 14:2).  The repercussions of this were staggering as YHVH pronounced that none of the people who left Egypt and saw His glory and treated Him with contempt would enter the Promised Land (Nu 14:20-23).

So what does this have to do with “wholehearted”?

Numbers 14:24 “But my servant Caleb/Kalev, because he had a different Spirit with him and  has fully followed me – him I will bring into the land entered, and it will belong to his descendants.”

What does the name Caleb/Kalev mean?

From “Behind the Name” (

Dog; dog-like devotion to God

Faithful could be another translation. However, if you read in the Hebrew Bible the exploits of CALEB (as in one of the twelve spies who went into Caanan Numbers 13:6 & 13:30), one will see that he wasn’t simply faithful, but that he served the God of ISRAEL with his whole heart.

From “The Way Prepared (


The Hebrew name ‘Caleb’ is an interesting one. Let’s examine several features of this name.

First, let’s notice that the name Caleb is the Hebrew Strong’s number <03612>, and is used 35 times. The number “35” in Scripture speaks of “Repentance,” and is the same as “7 x 5,” which speaks of complete preparation of the Bride. So we see that Caleb speaks of those who fully prepare themselves through repentance, and as a result will enter, together with Joshua.

Next, we see that according to the various Hebrew dictionaries and concordances, the apparent meaning of the name Caleb is “a dog.” Recently I received an email from a faithful sister in Messiah, to mention an alternate meaning, based on the Hebrew letters used in the name. It turns out that the name Caleb is actually a compound word in Hebrew, and is apparently quite common in ancient Hebrew. The name is ‘Col-Leb’ (Cof + Lamed) meaning “all or whole” — Leb (Lamed + bet) meaning “heart.” Therefore, Caleb (or Col-Lev as pronounced in Hebrew) actually means “with all the heart” or “whole-hearted.” The word for dog must therefore have originated from the word Col-Lev, and not the other way around.

If we look at the definitions for the words ‘dogged’ and ‘doggedness,’ we see this same quality that describes a dog: “stubbornly unyielding” and “persistent determination.” This ‘doggedness’ perfectly describes one who is ‘whole-hearted,’ and fits the description of the faith and determination exhibited by Caleb!

Interesting thoughts from these two articles.

My brother has a photo posted on Facebook with him and a dog that looks like she is laughing. The caption he wrote is “This isn’t even my dog and it’s sad that I trust her more than I trust most people, even though she seems to be laughing at me behind my back”.

How is it that we feel we can trust dogs more than people? Could it be they are loyal, faithful, honest, non judgmental, forgiving, etc. Where do I fail as a human being by not showing these characteristics to my fellow brothers and sisters?

YHVH spoke highly of Caleb/Kalev as one who had a different Spirit in him and fully followed YHVH.

I want to be like Caleb/Kalev. I want to follow YHVH wholeheartedly. I desire to have YHVH search the innermost parts of my heart and show me where I do NOT follow Him wholeheartedly.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if [there be any] wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.  Psalm 139:23-24 NKJV








Spiritual Heart Disease

I have been pondering some things since my 53-year-old brother had a major heart attack on Memorial Day this year. His right coronary artery was 100% blocked. I am happy to report he is alive and doing well.

This traumatic event got me thinking about what brings on a blockage of the artery in the natural. According to the Cleveland Clinic:

“Coronary artery disease is the narrowing or blockage of the coronary arteries, usually caused by atherosclerosis. Atherosclerosis (sometimes called “hardening” or “clogging” of the arteries) is the buildup of cholesterol and fatty deposits (called plaques) on the inner walls of the arteries. These plaques can restrict blood flow to the heart muscle by physically clogging the artery or by causing abnormal artery tone and function.” (Emphasis added)

As I read this I immediately thought of the Scripture YHVH spoke to my heart in 1997:

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

We have a history of heart disease in my family. After my brother’s heart attack I began to ask some questions of my parents to find out who had what kind of heart issues. I have to tell you I was pretty surprised to learn that these problems went back many generations!

I   don’t   want   to   end   up   with   heart   disease.

I know I can change things in the natural, but what needs to change with my spiritual walk? This is where the pondering began

Tonight at sundown we enter into the month of Elul on the Hebrew calendar. It is a time to focus on repentance in preparation for the High Holy days of Yom Teruah (Rosh Hashanah) and Yom Kippur (Atonement) by getting our spiritual house in order.

My focus this year will be on the heart.

My goal is to post something from Scripture about the heart every day for the next 30 days.

Jeremiah 17:7-10 “Blessed is the man who trusts in YHVH, then YHVH will be his security. He will be alike a tree planted near water, which spreads out is roots along a brook and does not see when heat comes, whose foliage is ever fresh; it will not worry in a year of drought and will not stop producing fruit. The heart is the most deceitful of all, and it is fragile – who can know it? I, YHVH, plumb the feelings and test the innermost thoughts, to give to man according to his ways, the fruit of his deeds.”

Abba, may I be found as one who trusts in you as you plumb my feelings and test my innermost thoughts.



The Wedding Dress

Tommy & I have been in Michigan since April 3rd. We reconnected with the small Torah group that meets weekly. This past Shabbat, we had something I would call supernatural happen. I’m still trying to understand the significance of it.

When we arrived at our host’s home there were two guests. A gentleman who drove 5 hours to visit for the weekend and a woman I knew from somewhere but could not quite remember where. As I asked her several questions about previous work and place of worship, I still could not connect where I knew her from.

After a short pause she asked this question, “If I say the words wedding dress, will that help”?

Instantly I knew who she was. We hugged and began to recount the story that brought us together 18 years ago!

It was the year 1999 and I was living in Marquette, Michigan. I had a really good job, was part of a small Torah group, and had family near me. Life was good and I was content, or so I thought. I had been contemplating a move to Spokane so my 13 year old daughter could be closer to her father. She traveled to Spokane every summer since she was 6 and told me it was getting harder and harder to leave me and then leave her dad to come back home. I flippantly suggested we move and then regretted ever saying it.

I had recently received a magazine from Christian Friends of Israel. In the magazine was an article discussing “The Bridal Salon”, a ministry that accepted new or used wedding dresses that were donated to Israeli brides who could not afford a dress. I happened to have a wedding dress hanging in my closet that I had purchased in 1993 but never wore. I shared the article with the ladies in the Torah group and that I had a dress to donate.

At our next Shabbat gathering, one of the women told us she had spoken to a friend who owned the local bridal shop. The owner got really excited and said she would donate 10 floor models to us! We helped my friend unload those 10 wedding dress from her car and  hung those 10 dresses plus mine all around the living room!

Now try to picture this……….11 wedding dresses of various styles ranging from ornate to simple, hanging individually on hangars all around the living room! We stared at those dresses for quite a while, contemplating the spiritual significance, if any! One of the ladies donated another so we had 12 wedding dresses hanging in my living room.

There’s more to this story.

My ex-husband (who lived in Spokane) and I had been divorced for 8 years. I really didn’t want to move back to Spokane, but I had made that comment to my daughter and it never left me. I was also fighting a battle with YHVH because it appeared that He might  be sending me to Spokane to restore my marriage. My ex was not a Believer. We had not seen each other since 1991 and only spoke on the phone to make travel arrangements for our daughter. I remember telling YHVH in my heart that if He wanted me to move I would need confirmation AND that He would have to change my heart toward my ex- husband.

A few weeks after the wedding dresses were displayed in my home, we had a visitor for our Shabbat gathering. It was my first time meeting “B”. She began to tell me a story about how YHVH had restored her marriage after being divorced for 9 years and that she and her ex-husband were to be married that year.

W H A T    D I D    S H E    J U S T    S A Y?

This woman, who I had never met before, was telling me the story about reconciling with her ex-husband.

My head was reeling because I had asked YHVH for confirmation about moving to Spokane and that He would begin to change my heart toward my ex-husband. Thoughts were racing through my head and I was overwhelmed with emotions.

“B”s story is one of the final defining pieces of the puzzle that propelled me to move to Spokane in 2000. I will share in another blog what happened after I moved.

“B” is the special guest who showed up 18 years later at Torah study this past Shabbat. She wore one of the donated wedding dresses to her remarriage ceremony. She returned the wedding dress after the wedding and we sent all 12 dress to Israel. She is still married!

This is a picture from “The Bridal Salon” in Israel


But there is more to the story!

I had not seen “B” since that encounter 18 years ago! She is not a Torah keeper but loves YHVH will all her heart. She had been bed ridden and in ill health for the last year or so with Lyme disease, mold contamination (from her home) and other auto immune related diseases. She has been receiving care from a natural health practitioner and ran into an “old friend” (who also sees the practitioner) about two weeks ago. That “old friend” is “L”, who attends the Torah fellowship here. “L” invited “B” to come to study on Shabbat!

This was “B”s first time in Torah study. What are the odds that the Torah portion this past week dealt with tzara’at of the home? Leviticus 14:33-53

We had a powerful time of praise before we began to read the portion. When we got to the part about the mold, “B” shared with us all about her health issues and told us that her home is “infected” with it and that is why she is sick. She finally had to move out so she could get healthy. Her husband “is blind” to the issue that the mold in the home is causing her health problems.

We stopped reading at this point and began to minister to “B”. The presence of the Ruach was tangible and we all prayed for her as she repented for doubt & unbelief, fear, anger, etc. We ministered the love of YHVH and asked Him to open her husband’s eyes to the Truth of YHVH’s word. The gifts of the Ruach were in operation as each on had a word, Scripture or prayer.  It was an incredible time of healing.

So what does all of this mean? I don’t know…but YHVH knows and He wants to show me something.

Ministering to a woman I have not seen in 18 years, who just happened to come to the Shabbat we read about Tzara’at in the home, and her home is infected. This woman wore one of 12 wedding dresses that went to Israel.

This Scripture comes to mind:

Luke 13:10-17 HNV – 10 He was teaching in one of the synagogues on the day of Shabbat. 11 Behold, there was a woman who had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and she was bent over, and could in no way straighten herself up. 12 When Yeshua saw her, he called her, and said to her, “Woman, you are freed from your infirmity.” 13 He laid his hands on her, and immediately she stood up straight, and glorified God. 14 The ruler of the synagogue, being indignant because Yeshua had healed on the Shabbat, said to the multitude, “There are six days in which men ought to work. Therefore come on those days and be healed, and not on the day of Shabbat!” 15 Therefore the Lord answered him, “You hypocrites! Doesn’t each one of you free his ox or his donkey from the stall on the Shabbat, and lead him away to water? 16 Ought not this woman, being a daughter of Avraham, whom Hasatan had bound eighteen long years, be freed from this bondage on the day of Shabbat?” 17 As he said these things, all his adversaries were disappointed, and all the multitude rejoiced for all the glorious things that were done by him.

Since returning to Upper Michigan one month ago, I have experienced a lot of memories from my past; some good and some not so good. Is He trying to show me some things that need healing in MY heart? Quite possibly.

After Pesach (deliverance) comes the wilderness. That’s where I am right now, both physically and spiritually!

Thank you Abba for this time of reflection. May you continue to reveal the things in my heart that need healing.








Here is how:

In my quiet time this morning I was writing and noticed the Scripture verse on the cover of my journal, “We love because He first loved us.” 1st John 4:19. I was prompted to begin reading in chapter one in my Complete Jewish Bible (CJB).

Like most of us, we’ve probably read through the Scriptures multiple times. I have been spending more time in the “New Testament” (Brit HaDashah) lately asking Abba to show me through “Torah” eyes where I might have applied a doctrine or principle to His Word that really doesn’t apply. A phrase jumped out at me in 1st John, “Here is how”.

When I first read this I immediately thought of the recent crochet tutorial video I had watched. “Here is how you make a bubble stitch”. In the video the instructor showed step by step how to create a raised pattern stitch.

Here is how, a term we use to teach us how to do something step by step, or so I thought.

As I read through 1st John I began to see this phrase, “Here is how” multiple times. The writer is not identified (it’s assumed it is John/Yochanan) nor the people he is writing to, yet there is something comforting in what is written that I can apply to my life. Here is how…

1 John 3:10 CJB  Here is how one can distinguish clearly between God’s children and those of the Adversary: everyone who does not continue doing what is right is not from God. Likewise, anyone who fails to keep loving his brother is not from God.” (emphasis mine)

Comment: “Anyone who fails to keep loving his brother is not from God”. Ouch…Abba show me where I have not loved my brother/sister through my words or deeds.

1 John 3:19-22 CJB  Here is how we will know that we are from the truth and will set our hearts at rest in his presenceif our hearts know something against us, God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts know nothing against us, we have confidence in approaching God; then whatever we ask for, we receive from him; because we are obeying his commands and doing the things that please him.” (emphasis mine)

Comment: if our hearts know nothing against us, we have confidence in approaching God; then whatever we ask for, we receive from him“. What does it mean, “if our hearts know nothing against us”?

Psalms 26:2 CJB “Examine me, YHVH, test me, search my mind and heart.”

Psalm 139:23-24 CJB “Examine me, God, and know my heart; test me, and know my thoughts. See if there is in me any hurtful way, and lead me along the eternal way.”

I looked at this in the context of prayer. If I’ve examined my heart and have confidence in approaching God, THEN whatever I ask for, I will receive from Him. NOT just by obeying his commands and doing the things that please him.

1 John 3:24b CJB  “Here is how we know that he remains united with us: by the Spirit who he gave us.” (emphasis mine)

1 John 4:2-3a CJB  “Here is how you recognize the Spirit of Godevery spirit which acknowledges that Yeshua the Messiah came as a human being is from God, and every spirit which does not acknowledge Yeshua is not from God – in fact, this is the spirit of Anti-Messiah.” (emphasis mine)

Comment: What is the context of knowing he remains with us? By the Spirit. What is the context of recognizing the Spirit of God? Every spirit which acknowledges that Yeshua the Messiah came as a human being is from God. Seems like a simple test…

1 John 4:4-6 CJB  “You, children, are from God and have overcome the false prophets, because he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. They are from the world: therefore they speak from the world’s viewpoint; and the world listens to them. We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God doesn’t listen to us. This is how we distinguish the Spirit of truth from the spirit of error.” (emphasis mine)

1 John 4:9 CJB “Here is how God showed his love among usGod sent his only Son into the world, so that through him we might have life. (emphasis mine)

1 John 4:10 CJB “Here is what love isnot that we we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the kapparah (atonement) for our sins.  (emphasis mine)

Comment: I can’t wrap my brain around this one. He loved me (us) so much that He was willing to send His only son to be the atonement for my (our) sin.

1 John 4:11-12 CJB “Beloved friends, if this is how God loved us, we likewise ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God remains united with us, and our love for him has been brought to its goal in us.”

I know in my heart, that I don’t always love my brother/sister (those who we have identified as having His Spirit) the way I should. I am so quick to find fault when someone does not see things the way I do. I use my tongue to speak negative about a brother or sister when I can clearly see they are wrong, but don’t realize speaking negative about them is wrong. Father, please forgive me and help me to change my ways.

Matthew 7:1-5 CJB “Don’t judge, so that you won’t be judged. For the way you judge others is how you will be judged – the measure with which you measure out will be used to measure to you. Whey do you see the splinter in your brother’s eye but not notice the log in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ when you have the log in your own eye? You hypocrite! First, take the log out of your own eye; then you will see clearly, so that you can remove the splinter from your brother’s eye!

1 John 4:13 CJB “Here is how we know that we remain united with him and he with ushe has given to us from his own Spirit. (emphasis mine)

1 John 4:16 CJB “Also we have come to know and trust the love that God has for us. God is love; and those who remain in this love remain united with God, and God remains united with them.

Comment: Abba, help me to really know this love you have for me (us), so I can remain in this love, united with You AND display it to the world!

1 John 4:17 CJB “Here is how love has been brought to maturity with usas the Messiah is, so are we in the world. This gives us confidence for the Day of Judgment. (emphasis mine)

Comment: As the Messiah is, so are we in the world…

1 John 4:18 CJB There is no fear in love. On the contrary, love that has achieved its goal gets rid of fear, because fear has to do with punishment; the person who keeps fearing has not been brought to maturity in regard to love. (emphasis mine)

Kinda stings when I read that a person who keeps fearing has not been brought to maturity in regard to love. I admit I do not understand this kind of love, yet. Abba, teach me how to love…You…and others.

1 John 4:19-21 CJB “We ourselves love now because he loved us first. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar. For if a person does not love his brother, whom he has seen, then he cannot love God, whom he has not seen. Yes, this is the command we have from him: whoever loves God must love his brother too.”

I don’t hate, but I know I have hurt people with my words. Abba, teach me how to love…You…and others.

1 John 5:2-4 CJB “Here is how we know that we love God’s childrenwhen we love God, we also do what he commands. For loving God means obeying his commands. Moreover, his commands are not burdensome, because everything which has God as it’s Father overcomes the world. And this is what victoriously overcomes the world: our trust.”

Comment: I’ve been on this Torah journey for over 20 years now. The verse quoted above states that when we love God, we obey His commands. For a long time obeying His commands has been the center of discussion in this Torah walk. We tend to  judge people, without love, when we see them doing things contrary to what we understand obedience to be. We malign and spew hatred on the internet and in person when someone disagrees with our perception of the truth. We break fellowship with our brothers & sisters because we disagree. We equate loving God with keeping His commands and neglect the weightier matters. We can quote the Shema & V’ahavta, Deuteronomy 6:4-8, in Hebrew, yet neglect to really hear and do what it says!

Matthew 22:36-40 CJB “Rabbi, which of the mitzvot (commandments) in the Torah is the most important?” He told him, “‘You are to love YHVH your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.’ This is the greatest and most important mitzvah (commandment). And a second is similar to it, ‘You are to love your neighbor as yourself.’ All of the Torah and the Prophets are dependent on these two mitzvot (commandments). (emphasis mine)

Keeping/obeying the Torah without love reminds me of a saying, “Rules, without relationship, equals rebellion”. The world is not going to want what we have if we continue to be unloving toward our brother (those identified above as having the same Spirit). They (those in the world) are watching us. May we be found worthy of showing them Your love when we love one another.


teach me how to love the way You do

teach me how accept those who are seeking you, right where they are at

teach me how to forgive when I have been wronged

teach me how to be humble when I have wronged someone